


Respect Without Understanding

by MaLady335



Series: Jem'Hadar Tales [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Anger, Brief Mention of Child Death, Cardassians, Dominion War (Star Trek), Dukat (mentioned) - Freeform, Friendship, Gen, Identity Issues, Introspection, Jem'Hadar - Freeform, Loneliness, Men Being Creepy, Original Character Death(s), Sad Ending, Slavery, Weyoun 5 (mentioned), men being shitty, religious OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27856773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaLady335/pseuds/MaLady335
Summary: One of Weyoun 5's Jem'Hadar guards ends up becoming friends with one of the Dabo girls.Sequel to 'Which is Worse?' but that is not required to understand this story.
Series: Jem'Hadar Tales [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039321
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like I wasn't done with Itidin'ales. I just love angry boys who don't have a lot of options.

Itidin’ales was standing within arms reach of Weyoun. It was a little difficult to keep this close and stop people trying to walk too close to Weyoun when they were at the Dabo tables but Itidin’ales both felt it was unlikely someone would attack Weyoun at Quark’s and was also very capable at his job. He’s been one of Weyoun 5’s bodyguards since he finished training. While on Terok Nor the threat level was lower. Though he didn’t trust the Cardassians, especially Damar who greatly disliked Weyoun. Itidin’ales would be punished with death should Weyoun lose his life while Itidin’ales still lived. However it would be the shame from the other Jem’Hadar for not being worthy of their trust that would really hurt him. At the moment the bar was mainly full of Cardassians. There were a few tables of other Jem’Hadar which he was thankful for but they were outnumbered overall. Though Itidin’ales felt they were worth double what the Cardassians are in battle.

The Cardassians at the Dabo table next to Weyoun’s were getting on Itidin’ales’s nerves. Of course the Jem’Hadar were always angry, the white saw to that. But something about how the Cardassians treated the Dabo girls just put Itidin’ales’s teeth on edge. It would show a weakness in him or any of the other Jem’Hadar to play Dabo, but Itidin’ales still liked being around the Dabo girls. They were always respectful and would give him attention, even just a smile and acknowledgment as a sentient being instead of a weapon that walked and followed orders. Itidin’ales of course was a weapon, which was why he was not worthy of their kind attention. It was a Vorta’s place to attract attention not a Jem’Hadar’s, but he found it a novel experience, one he couldn’t help enjoying. Yet despite how great the Dabo girls treated those around them the Cardassians seemed to want to push them beyond the boundaries the woman had set. It infuriated Itidin’ales, these Cardassians were so greedy that felt entitled to what these girls kept for themselves.

Itidin’ales could hear them even over the especially loud sounds of the bar, “Why don’t we keep our hands to ourselves?” The woman asked.

She was one that always seemed to be working when Weyoun came into Quark’s after his shifts. Itidin’ales didn’t hear the Cardassian’s reply.

“I asked you to stop.” Her tone firmer.

He could hear a mumbling than, “HEY!” She yelled.

It was here Itidin’ales lost control of his temper and turned and punched the man directly in the face. The Cardassian not expecting the assault crumpled onto the floor. The woman he was pestering stared at Itidin’ales in shock as the bar seemed to be too quiet now. The whole bar on edge to see if this would break into another massive fight.

“Itidin’ales,” Weyoun’s voice clear over the sound of the rushing blood in his ears, “What was that?” Why were the Vorta always so willing to be ignorant of what was around them?

“She had asked him to stop and he did not,” Itidin’ales explained, “So I lost control of my temper.” He let out a deep calming breath. Taking his anger out on Weyoun would be against his purpose.

“I see,” Weyoun turned back to his Dabo table, “You will not get your next vial of white as punishment. Try to keep control of your temper in the future.” Itidin’ales nodded in acknowledgment.

It was the punishment he deserved. This was only his first offense after all. The sound of the bar went back to it’s usual roar as it was clear the Cardassians weren’t going to immediately retaliate for his slight. Some friends of whoever that was dragged him away. Itidin’ales turned back to face the rest of the bar when he felt a hand on his arm. It shocked him but he did not react. To be surprised so easily was unbecoming of a Jem’Hadar. Before the shame of his lack of awareness could reach him he turned to look at who it was and it was the Dabo girl.

“Thank you he’s such a boar of a man.” Unsure of how to respond he nodded feeling so very much out of his element, “I’m Cherehl, I don’t think I’ve gotten your name?” She asked smiling at him.

Itidin’ales was not used to someone addressing him. If he was allowed to show his emotions he’d be shuffling his feet in nervousness.

“I am Itidin’ales.” It’s not like he’d been ordered to not talk to her.

So he allowed himself this little luxury. Weyoun didn’t seem to be bothered by it, and Itidin’ales’s life was dependent on catering to Weyoun’s moods. It’s why he sometimes wished he was better at reading them. Weyoun and other Vorta seemed to easily read a person’s face while Itidin’ales and other Jem’Hadar from what he could tell all struggled with facial expressions.

“Well thank you Itidnin’ales, that was very kind of you.” She hadn’t moved her hand from his arm and the heat from it had seeped through his shirt.

He took a deep breath to withhold his emotional reaction. Anything outside of anger was not acceptable from a Jem’Hadar. Should he say something in response? His nervousness was being channeled into anger as he was taught as a child. His deep breath must had alarmed her because she removed her hand from his arm. He nodded in reply and hoped that was the correct sort of response. Itidin’ales’s experiences were limited even by Jem’Hadar standards since he was only a little over a year old. She nodded and turned back to working at her table. 

The rest of the time Weyoun was at Quark’s Itidin’ales felt off-kilter, distracted. It wasn’t like him, maybe since his white was in a few hours and he wasn’t going to be getting it was bothering him more than he thought? Which is what he wished it was and not that he was hyper aware of the woman behind him. Cherehl who seemed to not only treat him with respect but now had his name and spoke it like she liked what it meant, him. Weyoun had gone through another round of Dabo when Dukat came over. Itidin’ales despised Dukat above all the other Cardassians. He was just as greedy but tried to hide it like a Vorta. How Weyoun tolerated him was beyond Itidin’ales’s comprehension but he wasn’t here to comprehend he was here to guard. And like every time Dukat approached Weyoun after shift Weyoun dismissed Itidin’ales for the night. Usually Itidin’ales would accompany Weyoun back to his quarters and guard there till shift change. But whenever Dukat visited the Jem’Hadar guarding Weyoun were dismissed. It did little to hide what Weyoun was doing from the Jem’Hadar. Not that Itidin’ales or the other guards cared. If they were not ordered to deal with it than they didn’t.

Now relieved from duty he went and joined his brothers at a table. The Jem’Hadar do not waste time talking. They also didn’t need to talk as much. The Jem’Hadar were the fist of the Dominion not the voice like the Vorta were. If others knew that the Jem’Hadar could communicate without speaking they did not mention it to them. And if the Jem’Hadar were not ordered to tell of it than they would not. It wasn’t like talking it was more like sharing a feeling. Itidin’ales thought of it as synchronization. It was why he’d rather be around other Jem’Hadar because he always felt so alone without it. So he sat with his unit till the bar closed. Like his brethern he enjoyed observing others. The Jem’Hadar were not allowed a lot of freedoms but their excellent sight and the bars relatively full space, even near closing gave them a lot of input to distract themselves for a few hours. But with closing came leaving which meant he would go to the barracks, which were useless for the Jem’Hadar since they did not sleep. It was more like a room to keep them out of the way when they weren’t needed in Itidin’ales’s opinion. But as he stood to follow his unit for a second time that night a hand touched his arm. It was Cherehl again.

“I’m sorry to ask this of you but could you walk me to my quarters?” It seemed an odd sort of request till he looked over her and saw the only other table not cleared out had three Cardassians at it. One of which had heavy bruise swelling on his cheekbone.

“Yes.” Was his curt answer. 

He wasn’t on duty so theoretically there was nothing stopping him. Though it felt unusual to him, but that might just be his youth talking.

“Thank you,” Cherehl said with a smile, removing her hand from his arm.

Since he didn’t know the way he followed behind her, like he would with Weyoun. It was what he was used to.

“You don’t need to be so far behind me silly come walk by me?” She had asked that not told him.

Feeling a little uncomfortable in the sense that he was about to do something he felt he shouldn’t he did as she had asked. Turning to him she smiled. Itidin’ales and other Jem’Hadar did not smile, but he felt he should respond to her beaming expression in some way. So he nodded, a respectful gesture. However a lot of his attention was still behind them. The three Cardassians had left the bar as well but took a different route. He could handle them if he needed to but he was deeply tempted to indulge being the center of attention from someone like her at the moment. It worried him but not as much as it pleased him. He’s heard talk of non-Vorta and Jem’Hadar relationships. In that someone chooses to have a relationship with someone else. He doesn’t entirely understand the concept since the very idea of having such a luxury of choice in who you get to spend time with seemed well beyond his grasp. However he wondered as she began to talk during their walk if this is what that felt like? Weyoun often called his relationship to others he had to spend a lot of time with a friendship but it was clear to Itidin’ales that Weyoun was misusing that word. If this is what the start of a friendship is like he could see it would seem outrageous to compare that to his relationship to those he had to work with. Who you are assigned is someone you must tolerate or die trying. While Itidin’ales cared deeply for his unit what he was feeling with Cherehl was different.

She was telling him something about how she was excited for the weekly shipment of new good from Bajor. Seems she was getting a package from her family. Another kind of relationship he didn’t understand. His unit seemed like the closest fit to it but so many of these relationships seemed to have bizarre stipulations to him. Such as for family generally it required a direct genetic link but other times it didn’t? It confused him so to avoid getting angry he would just stop thinking about it. She yawned, her voice carried a note of sleepiness in it. Normally he found such things annoying. One of those things that he could never tell if it was out of pride because the Jem’Hadar were perfectly engineered so they did not need to sleep. Or if it was from envy…..He didn’t dwell on that one often. Down that road was a dangerous path. One that he has seen kill many who decided to follow it. But when Cherehl did it there wasn’t the usual level of annoyance, he found it almost...endearing? Was that the word he wanted. He was so bad at words. It’s why he was glad she was carrying the conversation herself. Whether she was lonely or people just didn’t listen to her either way he was happy that she chose him to talk to.

The area of the habitat ring was mostly empty. With the Dominion occupying Bajor all of the previous Federation and most of the civilian occupants had left. Currently Quark’s bar and a handful of restaurants were the only things not militarily run on Terok Nor. The walk to her quarters was a quiet one since all the military personnel were at a different part of the habitat ring. She had been talking about how the rocks her family had sent her were samples from a volcano on Bajor that had recently had a minor eruption. Normally he’d find this kind of incessant talk about something he didn’t need to know a bother but for some reason he was enjoying her excitedly tell him about the geological anomalies on Bajor. Something he would never consider something to willingly want to hear about. 

“Here’s me.” She said with a happy sounding tone despite the tiredness in her voice, “Thank you again for coming with me.” That hand returned to his arm, “I have enough experience to know that it’s better to be overly cautious than to ignore a fear, you know?” 

“That does seem wise.” Which it was and for once he felt like he had the right words to express that.

She removed her hand, “Well good night Itidin’ales I am very happy to have met you.” The way she had said that hurt.

Not because it was bad but because it made him feel good deep at the center of his chest. And that scared him. He nodded having lost the little trust he had just built for his words. When she was inside he turned to go to the Jem’Hadar barracks where he would be spending the rest of his night with his brethren. At least that would bring him some comforting familiarity to even out these new experiences and feelings.

End of Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Itidin’ales tried his best to avoid thinking about her, or hoping to see her at Quark’s. Unfortunately he failed, he kept trying to think of things he would not get in trouble talking to her about, or even just an excuse for her to talk to him. A part of him wanted to talk to his first about it, he knew it was something he shouldn’t be spending so much of his time focusing on which was why he was hesitant to do so. However after him escorting her home he had felt so excited to see her smile at him and ask him how his day was the next time Weyoun went to play Dabo he knew he couldn’t just ignore it. When his shift was over he approached his first.

“What is it fifth?” His first asked, feeling his hesitation and anxiety.

“How are we to deal with non-Jem’Hadar who respect us?” He asked, the words heavy in his throat.

His first took a thoughtful breath, he could feel his consideration before he spoke, “If they are not Jem’Hadar than they can’t ever truly respect you because they do not understand you, remember that.” He paused for another deep breath, the best method to remain calm when the white is rushing hard through your veins, “However it is expected to want to be seen as worthy of respect and to seek it where you can. Unless they are liars like Vorta I understand giving them consideration where we otherwise would not. Just do not forget our purpose here and do not get attached, that only leads to a path of death.” Was his first’s council.

Itidin’ales took his own calming breath as he processed what he had been told. His first was one of the oldest Jem’Hadar on Terok Nor at fourteen years. He felt very honored to be taught and work under someone so wise and aged. Itidin’ales hoped he could one day be seen as worthy of being first and respected to give out advice to his younger brothers. It’s not like they had anywhere else to turn besides each other. It did at least relieve some of his worry that he was doing something wrong. It helped assure him so the next time he saw her while Weyoun was playing Dabo he felt much more secure in himself. He answered her question of how he was doing without any of the anxiety he had felt before. And when Dukat would show up to bother Weyoun Cherehl would often ask him to walk her home afterwards. It was becoming a bit of a routine. Dukat often showed up about two to three times a week so that’s roughly how often he’d walk her home. He didn’t know whether she had someone else walk her home when he couldn’t or if she just went by herself but either way he was happy to do it when he could. She always ended up talking the most, mainly because Itidin’ales didn’t know what to say. It was nice to her hear talk so animatedly about stuff. It was so very different from how the Jem’Hadar, Vorta or even the Cardassian’s talk. Cherehl would occasionally ask him a question which he tried to answer honestly but mostly he didn’t have much to say. But it didn’t seem to bother her since she kept asking him to walk her home.

Itidin’ales was able to follow his first’s advice to the letter, till he couldn’t. It was during the assault by the Federation on Terok Nor. Itidin’ales like most of the Jem’Hadar on the station were to fight till none were left standing. He was on the Promenade after Weyoun had teleported away with Damar. It was there he saw it, a Cardassian, THAT Cardassian. The one he had punched a month ago following Cherehl as she ran for the safety of her quarters. Itidin’ales SHOULD have stayed at his post, he SHOULD have kept on alert for when the Federation would beam aboard at any moment, he SHOULD have behaved as a proper Jem’Hadar. Instead he was filled with dread at seeing that man follow Cherehl and could not stand by. So he left his post. His third, now the highest ranking of his unit with the death of his first and second grabbed his arm. But he shook him off, unable to hear his words. If his third had followed protocol he would have shot him, but for some reason he didn’t. Maybe it was because there were so few of them left? Maybe it was because it wouldn’t matter in less than an hour? Either way he allowed Itidin’ales to go.

Cloaking himself he moved swiftly and silently down the halls. He knew where her quarters and he knew the route she liked to take. Meaning he knew exactly where to cut off that Cardassian before he reached her or her quarters. It was clear the Cardassian hadn’t suspected he was being followed, he didn’t even see the tell tale shimmer of a Jem’Hadar cloak. Or maybe he hadn’t considered a Jem’Hadar as a threat due to the treaty. Either way he didn’t see him coming. He’d cut him off about two turns away from Cherehl’s quarters, meaning she would be out of range of any phaser fire should it come to that. But that concern wasn’t necessary. The man had been running when he met up with him. His breath coming out in pants as he chased after Cherehl. The Cardassian’s called the Jem’Hadar beastly yet they were the one’s who behaved like beasts. It was just a simple snapping of his neck, shock on his face as he hadn’t expected to be attacked. Itidin’ales let out a calming breath, feeling a strange of sort of stillness. A resigned one, he had after all killed an ally. By right he had forfeited his life, and he was okay with that. He had decloaked as the man slumped to the floor. He could feel his third behind him, he’d followed him the whole way and did nothing to stop him. Turning around he nodded, informing him he was prepared for his punishment. But his third shook his head no and walked back to the Promenade. Giving Itidin’ales his life, at least for these last few moments. Before the Federation beamed in and killed them all.

Itidin’ales considered going to see Cherehl but felt hesitant to do so. What exactly would he say? What would she say? Should he tell her what he did and what exactly that meant? Would she even understand? He doubted it. However he wasn’t given the chance to make a decision because he heard footsteps approaching and turned to see her standing there, at the end of the hall. Her eyes first drawn to the body at his feet before meeting his eyes. Cherehl’s own eyes were wet from crying. Something he hadn’t seen a lot of since the second child in his training unit that was killed for it. Her hands were clenched into fists, and with an expression he couldn’t quite understand she walked calmly over to him. She whipped away her tears and rested her hand on his arm.

“Thank you Itidin’ales.” Was what she said.

He nodded, unsure of how else to respond.

“The Federation will beam in here at any moment.” She stated.

“I’m aware.” He replied, knowing full well what was happening around them.

“You know I could vouch for you.” Her eyes held hope, “You don’t have to stay with the Dominion, the Federation would take you in.” A hope he could not see.

“Do you actually believe that?” He asked, because the sheer idea that the Federation would just take him in sounded ludicrous to him.

She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her eyebrows knitted together, was that confusion or uncertainty? He was terrible at reading facial expressions. 

“Bajor could take you?” She offered, once again hope in her voice.

He took a deep calming breath. Not because he was angry, but because he knew couldn’t give in to her hope. 

He wouldn’t be able to survive alone, “I understand you want to help me, but you must understand that a Jem’Hadar who stands alone is no Jem’Hadar at all. I would die sooner without my brethren than if I was without the white.” He explained as plainly as he could.

The sheer thought of spending the rest of his days alone, without his people sounded like a more painful, shameful death than any Jem’Hadar deserved. There was a saying of sorts in the Dominion, one that Itidin’ales thinks is meant as a joke. ‘There’s never only one Jem’Hadar’, it was a true statement. There’s a reason they do everything in threes. There’s a REASON when a Jem’Hadar unit goes down there is never a ‘single’ survivor. You might find three or two but never just a single Jem’Hadar. To live alone, to live as the last, was to horrible to even consider.

She kept that same look of either confusion or uncertainty, “I understand.” She said, was she trying to console him?

“No you don’t, but that’s okay.” He said.

He did not judge her for her lack of understanding. How could she? It would be unfair to expect her to understand and know what his life was like just like it would be unfair to expect him to understand her life. 

“Goodbye Cherehl,” He started, “I’m very happy to have met you.” Itidin’ales put as much feeling into that statement as he could.

He’d already given up his life, and in minutes it wouldn’t matter either way so why not? Why not allow this moment of self-expression? His third had given him his life for these brief moments and he would take it.

She gave him a sad smile, “Goodbye Itidin’ales.” She nodded respectfully, copying his first goodbye like he did hers.

With that she removed her hand, letting him go. Feeling lighter, freer he went to return to his brethren. To spend his last moments together, with his people. Because a Jem’Hadar who stands alone is no Jem’Hadar at all.

End of Respect Without Understanding


End file.
